I went Skating and Snowshoeing…

We have established in my previous posts that I am somewhat graceless. So as you will gather from the title of this post, my attempts to Snowshoe and Skate were an absolute disaster.

Snowshoeing

We know I didn’t get very far without snowshoes in Vancouver on Grouse Mountain. So when I went snow trailing up Panorama Mountain, I sensibly hired some snow shoes.

Snowshoes for those people back home that do not know…look a little bit like this:

This time, I was lucky to not be on my own. (means perfect insta pictures) Gemma was charmed with my presence at this point did not know how vertically challenged I really was. Mawahahahahaha.

So Gemma and I set off with our Snowshoes and walked to the beginning of the trail. Or what we thought was the beginning of the trail.

What was lying ahead of us was a wall of snow. When I say wall of snow, I mean as soon as you step into it it goes up to your thighs. I am no expert or anything, but I was pretty sure this was not the way to go. But Gemma and the lady in rental place was convinced this is the way. So of course we carry on.

Me standing (not kneeling) in the snow after fishing out my snow shoe…

I have already lost my snowshoe in the snow and had to fish it out. Every step I take the snow is above my knees. I am walking but not moving anywhere. Gemma has sped off ahead of me and almost to the top. (Stupid 19 year old energy).

Gemma climbing her way to the top

I have got myself stuck in a whole, which is getting wider and wider everytime I try and move. Every step I take I fall back 5. I have nothing to grip onto so I cannot pull myself up so I face plant the snow. Several times. I also take a roll backwards, pure talent right there. Olympics here I come!

Gemma is already at the top. Im still halfway and start to scream and cry at the sky. WHY CANADA! She comes down to meet me, and has to pull me out of this hole. Yes. That happened.

We make it onto more solid snow, and I push myself to get to the top. I make it. THANK THE LORD! My hair was frozen from falling in the snow so much and my scarf was now a wool icicle.

Frozen hair and frozen scarf

My joy was short-lived however, as Gemma pointed out that the way we came was in fact the wrong way, and pointed out a nice calved out trail which would have taken us 5 minutes instead of the 1 hour. I was so past saying I told you so, and went with the ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???

Zero fucks given….

Least we had some awesome views….

(Ice) Skating

I put the ice in brackets as apparently its just skating and not ice skating. I got told off by my friend Danielle, who also told me its just hockey and not ice hockey, and that I have to stop adding ice to everything so I fit in more. Ok dear.

So my roommate Katie has persuaded me to put some blades on my feet and attempt to balance myself on a frozen lake.

I would like to point out at this point I have never gone ice skating before. So what better way for a beginner to try than on a bumpy ice trail on a frozen lake.

Standing still for 0.5 of a second

I also add at this point, this is not like the indoor nice indoor rinks. This ice trail hasn’t been nicely carved out, it is rough as fuck and has potholes. Many many potholes.

So I hobble onto the ice, while holding back of Katie’s clothes, so I don’t fall. She is a bit shorter than me so you can imagine how this looked.

I start moving on the ice it feels like the most terrifying thing I have done in my life.

Women are going past me skating while pushing their pushchairs. This is Canada after all. Couples are skating along with their hockeys sticks hitting the puck to one another. Two year olds are skating faster than me.

I feel that being tall I have a long way to fall down, which puts me off going fast, or anything faster than a snails pace.

I loose my balance and fall on my hands and knees.

This wasn’t surprising and didn’t really hurt. So I thought, well as it didn’t hurt why not push yourself.

I start to take longer glides and move faster. Katie thinks I’m getting the hang of it so starts to film me skating.

Clearly I got cocky, as next thing I know I do some back flip and end up on my back half in the ice half in the snow. Olympics here I come. Watch this beauty of a moment HERE

It hurt like a goddamn Mother Fucker. The first fall was misleading! I lay there, enjoying the sunshine, telling passersby I’m fine, just resting, and waiting for Katie to stop taking selfies of her with me on the floor.

I don’t make it to standing up. I crawl along the ice and sit myself on the snow. Take my skates off and put my boots back on. This was enough for today.

Funnily enough I haven’t been back to skate and now the lake is closed as it’s melting. Oh what a shame.

Summer is coming though, so that means Kayaking, Canoeing, Water Rafting, Hiking, and Golf. Much safer activities right?

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